weswilson's Blog

For any relationship to last, there needs to be honesty and openness. So I would tell him you haven't stopped but you want to. Ask him to hold you accountable.

Sometimes having someone hold you accountable in some area of your life is one of the best ways to overcome a problem. But when you have an accountability partner, you have to promise yourself that you will tell him when you fail without him asking. That's the only way it can help you. You will have to be honest with him, but a relationship that isn't honest isn't worth having.

Feelings come and go. It may feel wonderful when someone you like hugs you, holds you, and kisses you. But too many guys love themselves way more than anyone else. So they give just enough affection to get what they want, usually sex. But they may look for a new conquest in six months, and it doesn't feel so good when he hits you and yells at you.

If you want love to last, fall in love with a person's character more than their looks or the way they make you feel. Do you love the way he treats other people--not just his friends, but his mom and sister, and even strangers? Before you let yourself tie those emotional and physical knots, get to know him long enough that you have seen him when he is mad. Does he control his anger? Is he (or she) the center of his or her universe? Does he try to cheer people up when they are down.

Lots of people can be nice to someone they are attracted to. But feelings will fade, you will have an argument, and he will treat you the way he treats people he is mad at. That's why you need someone that treats others well.

Love kicks in when feelings fade. Love means that you still care about each other even when you are upset with each other. And that commitment to do what is best for the other person will bring the feelings of love back.

You feelings for someone can die in a single day. But if you chose to love the person, you will treat them with love and the feelings will come back.

Sounds like you're going through a hard time right now. What's going on in your life?

Life is worth living and the lessons you learn in the hard times can help you make a difference in someone else's life.

Wesley

To those who say bisexuality or homosexuality is a fine personal choice, I have a question. Do you believe in right and wrong, or is everything ok? And if you believe some things are wrong, how do you determine what is right and what is wrong?

Or put another way, what is your moral compass?

I know you don't want to hear this, but the only 100% reliable birth control is to not have sex.

And at 15, the chances of this relationship lasting are fairly small. Having sex with him will just make this relationship less likely to last, because it changes his focus from you as a person to what you can do for him.

Under 18, your cervix is also much more vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases than it will be when you are 20.

But if you think you might be pregnant, you should be able to get a free, confidential pregnancy test at:
London Crisis Pregnancy Centre
261 Piccadilly St.
London, ON N6A 1S3 CA
Phone: 519-432-7098
Hours: M-F 10-4

You might want to call first because those hours may have changed.

Good luck.

Angelless, it depends on what you mean by bisexual. Different people mean different things. A lot of people think if they feel sexual attraction to someone of the same sex, they are bisexual or homosexual.

To others, bisexual means you do sexual acts with members of both sexes.

Let me show the difference this way. A guy marries a girl and they have a great relationship. But one of the women the husband works with is really pretty, and one of the men the wife works with is funny and attractive. So the husband and wife may feel sexual attraction to their coworkers. (Some people think that is "falling in love," and you can't stop that attraction.)

There is nothing wrong with the sexual attraction they feel, but if they act on it by having sex with the people they are attracted to, that's wrong. That's adultery. They would be breaking their promises to each other and hurting each other deeply. Also, of course, it would be a sin in God's eyes.

So instead, they resist the temptation, try not to think about those other people in a sexual way, and focus on each other and having a great time in their relationship.

In the same way, acting on a sexual desire for someone of the same sex is wrong. But having that desire isn't necessarily wrong. It is not a normal desire. It can result from an unusual hormone level. It can also come from a person's experiences. Some women who have been abused by a man tend to recoil from sex with a man, and the desire turns more toward women. Some men who never found acceptance from their fathers and learned to identify more with women may find a sexual desire for other men. It can be caused by other factors too.

What guy with a girlfriend hasn't desired her sexually? But if he respects her and is committed to waiting until he is at the point in his life where he can take care of her, he isn't going to act on that desire. To give in to that temptation would be wrong. And waiting for sex until they are both mature enough to make the lifelong commitment of marriage will give them better sex lives than if they had sex earlier.

I'm sure your uncle will miss you and all the rest of the family. The Army is tough but it takes pretty good care of its soldiers. Right now he just needs everybody's support.

I know you are really sad to see him go, and probably worried that he will be all right. But did you know that more people have been murdered in Chicago this year than we've had soldiers die in Iraq this year? I heard that somewhere recently. So things are getting better over there, and there isn't much reason to worry. Just pray for him every day.

Let him know you are proud of him for signing up to defend us against terrorists and our enemies, and I think that will encourage him and make him feel better.

Bobet,

According to your profile, you are 15. Are you sure that your boyfriend is going to be the right person to spend the rest of your life with after dating him for only a month?

You deserve to have a guy who will love you for who you are, not for what you look like or because you give him sex.

Do you know if he has ever had sex with anyone else? If so, how many others? Did you know that when you have sex with someone, you are at risk of getting the sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) of that person and their previous partners--and their partners? So if your boyfriend has had sex with 2 other girls, who have each had sex with 2 other guys, you are at risk of getting STDs from at least 7 people, probably more.

Condoms can help, if they are used consistently, but some STDs spread through skin-to-skin contact where the condom doesn't cover. Also, many STDs are viral, and once you get them, there is no cure. So no one will want to have sex with you after you get the disease, unless they have the same one.

Many guys (and some girls) don't know they have an STD until after they have passed it on. Sometimes the symptoms don't show up for a few years.

And when you have sex you make a huge emotional bond to a guy--but he often doesn't have the same attachment. For girls it is about emotional intimacy. For guys its about physical intimacy. And he can walk away from the relationship a lot easier than you can. There's no condom that will protect your heart.

The bottom line is, guys don't respect a girl who gives herself away easily. It makes sense. We value things that cost a lot, not things that are cheap. Think about a diamond necklace or a plastic Disney necklace. You would take great care of the diamond necklace, but you wouldn't care if someone borrowed the plastic one, or if it broke or you lost it.

If your boyfriend proves to be a good friend who cares about you for the next few years, and then you decide you are right for each other forever, and you make that life-long commitment of marriage, then you will both value yourselves and each other more, and you will treasure sexual intimacy, because you didn't cheapen it with other people.

Sex is a great bond in a life-long commitment, but at 15 you're not ready for that. If he loves you, he will stay your friend without sex. If he wants you to prove your love by having sex, he doesn't really love you--he just wants to use your body.

Here's a PDF from a doctor (who has counseled a lot of people in a university health clinic) with some info about sex and relationships that everybody ought to know before they go too far in a relationship. PDF here

Or to get a free copy of the booklet, go to http://www.cblpi.org/senseandsexuality/